What No One Tells You About Losing Your Virginity

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Question: Dear Tanya, I am anxious about dating as I am in my 30s and still a virgin. I have never had a relationship and only kissed people once or twice after a lot of alcohol was consumed. How can I overcome my fear and start dating? Answer: In my work I meet folks who are very distressed that they have not lost their virginity. They get progressively anxious as time passes and they remain either dateless or sexually inexperienced. Firstly, can I say — there is nothing wrong with you. We live in a world that emphasises sex and sexual activity, and that can make folks who are not sexually active or very sexual feel as if they are some kind of freak or misfit. This is not the case at all.

Ariella Nyssa sometimes feels guilty when she has sex with her boyfriend. Staying pure for a future husband as a result of abstaining from any sexual activity was something she and her fellow basilica members valued. But in the abuse context, purity messages can be damaging. An extreme example is purity background in Protestant Christianity , which has been widely criticised for leading en route for feelings of shame around sex, Dr Whitaker says.

Youth is deeply confusing that way: a few things will just not be explained to you, like what losing your virginity is really like. There is one thing I take away as of the handful of sex talks I got from my mom that grew and matured with my concepts of love and sex over the years. But what she did say was that it was my job en route for protect my heart. Sex was not bad, she told me, but it could be dangerous emotionally.